11:33 pm – Arrive in the back of the line at China Airlines check-in for my 1:35 flight. Wow is this a long line. Spend the time figuring out how to best slide, push, pull, carry or otherwise move my 3 enormous bags + 1 overstuffed carry-on 5 feet at a time. Get pretty good at it by the 200th time.
12:25 am – Arrive at the front of the line. They’re pretty efficient. I notice employees being very strict about weight limits and checking to make sure carry-ons are under 7 kg. I don’t know what my carry-on weighs, but I know it’s much more than 7kg…
12:30 am – Show up at desk. Immediately tell the guy checking me in I’ll have to pay for an extra bag. He asks for my credit card and fills out paperwork while I get my three bags, 2 of which are probably over the weight limit, on the scale and passed back to the other employee who is putting the tags on them and moving them onto the conveyor belt. No one notices I’m holding the bags up a little. Bags, and I, checked in fine. As I am about to leave, he asks to weigh carry-on. 11.7 kg. Damn. Look exasperated. He says ok for now and advises me to find a way to make it under 7 by the time they weigh it again as I enter the flight. And no, he says, I can’t put some in a shopping bag…only one bag allowed!
12:45 am – Make it to gate. They’re paging passengers. I pray they don’t page me and tell me my centrifuge, vials of liquids, needles or anything like that look suspicious and make me go through my bags with them.
1:05 am – I’m frantically stuffing anything I can into my pockets. Front, back pants pocket and shirt pocket full. Tuck camera into my sock. Try bag. Still over 7 kg, I’m sure. Most of what is left is large…computer, folders, hardcover book. Take large Indonesia travel guide and feign to be reading it as I walk toward the gate. Briefly consider tucking my computer into my pants but decide against it.
1:08 am – The person in front of me is lugging a huge carry-on suitcase. They stop him. I duck around the other side of him and into the jetway. Turn the corner. I’m free!
1:12 am – Stop at the seat in front of me. Spend 3 minutes clearing my pockets and sock like a clown car and repacking my carry-on. Will I have to do this for my next flight too? What is the penalty for too much carry-on weight? No one’s told me…
1:15 am – Take seat. Damn. There’s someone in the middle seat next to me. He starts talking to me. He sees my Indonesian phrasebook and tells me he’s from Indonesia, from Bali. Asks where I’m going. We talk for 10 minutes and I’m a bit worried we’ll talk the whole flight, but he lets the conversation die.
2:00 am – Take off.
2:03 am – Fall asleep.
2:45 am – Wake up as lights are raised. Cute, at least for that East-Asian-I-look-like-a-preteen-boy way that all East Asian young women have, stewardess asks me if I’m Mr. Boyko. I wonder what it is about and answer yes. She asks if I ordered the seafood platter. I answer affirmatively. She asks if I’d like wine with it. Affirmative. “What kind of wine? Red, white or beer?” Intrigued by the beer-wine, I ask for it.
2:46 am – Seafood platter and can of “Taiwan Beer” arrive. Looks amazing. Stewardess makes person in front of me put their seat up. Awesomeness, food and space. Seafood looks great; some smoked salmon salad, some grilled white fish meat (tilapia?) and some very fresh-looking fruit. “Taiwan beer” is the only English on the can, though it does have some French as well announcing it a medal it won.
2:47 am – Person in front of me, looking jealous, asks why I got my food. I said I ordered the seafood when I booked the flight. I feel a little like the kid whose mom always packs the best snacks, but never packs enough to share. Ah well.
3:00 am – Food was great. Beer sucked. No one else near me has gotten food yet. My seat is still fully reclined…
3:25 am – Regular food cart finally arrives to my area. People have the choice of beef or chicken. Neither looks nearly as good as my seafood. Having finished my beer, I get some red wine. It’s much better than the beer.
4:00 am – Narnia comes on. I try to watch for five minutes, but fall asleep.
9:30 am – Wake up and notice a football movie set in the 1920’s is on. I remember it was fairly famous. I watch the last 45 minutes. It’s pretty good.
10:15 am – Fall back asleep.
11:45 am – Wake up as they raise the lights again. Seafood breakfast arrives with coffee. Seat in front of me stops reclining.
12:20 pm – Regular food cart arrives. I raise my seat and get another cup o’ joe. Notice it’s still dark outside---realize that flying west, I’m in the midst of an 18-hour plus night. They’ve put some weird European flick involve kids playing at being Rambo on the screen. What I had thought was the English headphone channel turns out to be generic non-Chinese as it alternates between English and French.
1:15 pm – Still dark. Look through their version of SkyMall. Prices not in USD and descriptions not in English. After finding one price in USD and the other currencies (mostly NT$), know the conversion. Wow, that $700 bottle of scotch is expensive. But it does come with a free $75 bottle of champagne…
1:45 pm – Still dark. They announce we’re about to land. They put a cartoon on the screen with people coughing, having glowing foreheads, wearing masks, etc. There is some talk about something involving quarantine, but I don’t have my headphones on and the English subtitles are too low for me to read.
1:55pm – As we come in to land, they play a horrible remake of “California Dreamin’” along with a montage of photos from around Taipei. Strange. I wonder if they paid The Mamas and the Papas anything to so thoroughly mangle their song.
2:00 pm – Land. They never tell us the local time, but you can just barely start to see a sunrise. As we disembark, my Indonesian friend next to me gives me a terrorist fist bump and tells me good luck. We had talked maybe half an hour during the flight and it was actually pleasant. Maybe you just need to take international flights to actually have decent conversations with the person next to you.
2:30 pm/5:30 am – Manage to eventually find a screen with the local time and where I’m supposed to go for my connecting flight. Other than the anime posters on the wall near the arrival gate, the rest of the airport reminds me of a Soviet gulag. All gray, all the stores closed and locked up, dark outside, generally dreary. Then I walk past a Smoking Lounge. It has neon lights and a swank interior. It looks like mini-Vegas inside this gulag. I consider smoking so that I can feel cool and have someplace nice to be, but realize all the shops that sell smoking supplies are closed. Walk to gate.
5:35 am – Make it to my gate 3 hours before boarding. Completely deserted. Emptiest I’ve ever seen a major airport. No one in sight at all. I sit next to a metal structure labeled “Escape Chute.” It’s big enough for a human to fit through and empties out onto the runway. Have no idea what its purpose is but I consider using it as a urinal before another American couple enters a few minutes later. I watch the sunrise through the window. I conclude that Taiwan looks like an airport.
6:15 am – Venture forth from terminal. First stop, restroom. Mouthwash. Find squat toilet. Next try, find real toilet that is maybe half the height of a normal toilet. Have to squat anyway.
6:20 am – Next stop: food stand that finally opened. They take dollars. Six for a coffee and apple pie. Airport prices are the same everywhere. They have photos of American national parks with accompanying Thoreau quotes on their walls. There are some cute American kids traveling with their parents. Obviously good travelers. Makes me look forward to traveling with Cori and Oisin someday.
6:42 am – Bingo! Free WiFi found.
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